Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize