my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
