Pants 0. Shit 1.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
