Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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