Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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