mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
