I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
