Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
