I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
