just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
