Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
