U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
