i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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