im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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