Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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