I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
