Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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