just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
