what day is it and did you see me today?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
