I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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