If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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