remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He passed out mid-signature
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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