I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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