there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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