I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Randomize
