He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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