Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
