Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize