I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
