She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
