i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
