YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
