we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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