If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
