The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
