Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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