I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize