if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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