I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
