This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
