I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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