Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
