My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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