I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
