Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
sex in a hospital.. check
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
