Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
