It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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