You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
