Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
