it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
