This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
