i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
