gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
