I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
