Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize