my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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