I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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