I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
