i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
