i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
