Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
