Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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