Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
