Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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