Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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