You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
