It's like God shit irony all over that family
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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